Herd of Breakfast

Deliciously traversing your kitchen table at sun up, a home cooked herd of breakfast is a welcome sight (and smell) for the lucky early riser.

Don't forget to dip those crispy bacon legs in the yolky face.

Yum.

Free Range Cag

Cag chickens roam free on the range for a very good reason — no one's crazy enough to cage them.

Still, the crispy goodness of chicken fried Cag is not an unknown delight. Twice every year or so one of these hideous little birds will be struck by lightning and cooked to perfection.

And for the strict vegetarian, a steamy bowl of Cag beak soup makes an equally tasty meal. Just tell yourself, "it can't be meat — if it's beak."

Eel is Meal

Releasing their long anticipated debut album this week, Chauceville rockers Eel is Meal have churned out an ear splitting success with
Give Me A Try.

"This album is packed with hit singles," claims guitarist and Eel is Meal frontman, Cank Saline. "We poured our life's blood into this release — and some other blood as well."

Boasting irreverent tunes like "Gory Foray with Moray", "Wasabi Unagi", and "My Conger's Longer", Give Me A Try encourages fans to take another look at slithery sea serpents as a nutritious food source.

"In addition to our lyrics, we included some excellent recipes inside," remarks bassist Zizzy Quince. "Most can be made in under 10 minutes with nothing but a lighter and a fork. Every one is delicious and they're all based on our motto: Fresh eel is an excellent source of eel."

Swiss Worm

Swiss worms are annoying little squigglers that claim their tasty presence makes everything better. "Just add Swiss worm..." as the saying goes.

In reality, of course, 5 minutes with one of these merry mud munchers offers nothing more than a barrage of worm-centric viewpoints and a lame religious joke about being "holey".

While it's true that Swiss worms are rather ridiculous, it should be noted that they're far more tolerable than the Feta Flies they attract.

Blueberry Whisper

Blueberry has a secret that he just can't keep.

Too bad you don't speak berry.

P-BOT 3000

The latest in pea mobility technology (PMT), P-BOT 3000 is Dr. Feng Pellicle's most advanced robot to date.

"I was working on an android to assist cucumbers with self-slicing when a colleague, angry that I had cancelled our lab's subscription to the Math Channel, called me a worthless pea-brain," recounts the maniacal doctor. "I thought to myself, 'Yes, a pea-brain! What better way to harness the energy needed to mobilize those delicious little vegetable pearls right onto my plate.' "

"P-BOTs 1000 and 2000 were sub-standard, being made of straw and wood respectively, but once I figured out how to hot-glue metal together it was all down hill from there."

Smogchug

Smogchugs are dreary little wind bags that nourish themselves on polluted air.

During lean times, when the atmosphere is free of filth, they are forced to subsist on candle fumes and incense.